Back in 2022, one of the highlights of my holiday season was seeing Lindsay Lohan masterfully rebrand herself as queen of the winter holidays with Falling for Christmas. You can imagine my delight, then, when this fall yielded yet another Yuletide gem starring the former child star: Our Little Secret, now streaming on Netflix. Suffice it to say that people are tuning in (the movie has been trending like crazy ever since it debuted in late November), and I, of course, had plenty of thoughts about it. Find every one of them below:
- The year is apparently 1996. I was three years old! Clinton was president! Other stuff was going on too, probably!
- A redhead named Avery and a brunette boy named Logan are childhood besties.
- Oop, now they’re dating.
- Why is Avery’s dad narrating?
- If he’s dead, I’m going to be upset.
- Oh, God, the mom is dead!
- Lindsay Lohan looks cute as a cartoon.
- I wish I lived in a neighborhood where everyone decorated their house for Chrismukkah.
- Is that Sam Elliott? Or a different mustachioed man?
- Okay, that is in no way Sam Elliott. My bad.
- Avery’s BF Logan is cute and all, but I hate it when a man in a movie wears a hoodie under a jean jacket.
- And there’s a graphic tee under the hoodie under the jean jacket? I hate it!
- Logan is proposing, but Avery isn’t into it.
- Note to self: never propose publicly.
- How did Bernie Sanders’s mittens make this year-by-year roundup of the past decade?
- Ah, I see Logan holds the time-honored rom-com-protagonist job of “architect.”
- Two years after the proposal-slash-breakup, Logan is now dating a very blonde girl, and Avery is dating a quite symmetrical man.
- KRISTIN CHENOWETH!
- I don’t know what kind of pact this woman has made with Satan, but she looks good as hell for being in her mid-50s.
- Why be rude about screw-top wine? Wine is wine!
- Oh, shit, Logan and Avery turn out to be dating…siblings.
- Is this a subtle Parent Trap reference, somehow?
- I don’t really get why they’re lying to everyone about having known each other their whole lives, but I guess that’s…the premise of the movie.
- OMG, Carla from Scrubs! And Tim Meadows!
- Tiny dog! Not as cute as my tiny dog, IMO, but who could be?
- I’ll say it: K. Cheno is wearing too much blush.
- An Aliana Lohan song playing? Lindsay really is a good sister.
- Okay, to be fair, Aliana has a cute, husky voice that sounds particularly good singing Christmas carols.
- Logan’s helping Avery win over the family, for no apparent reason.
- Are these gummies Avery just swallowed going to turn out to contain weed?
- OMG, called it on the weed gummies.
- “No one needs to know you’re high.” Classic Christmas-with-the-family thought!
- Aw, everyone likes Avery’s high reading (which she inexplicably is chosen to do at church!).
- Why is she feeding a dog cookies???
- Isn’t that going to literally kill said dog?
- Granted, I’m a relatively new pet owner, but this seems like a bad plan.
- OMG, it’s Dr. Leo Spaceman from 30 Rock!
- He’s aged well, much like K. Cheno.
- God, this bar they’re at is my specific holiday nightmare.
- The younger brother is too blonde and generic-faced for me to pay much attention to his storyline, sorry.
- Stanley cup appearance! Everybody drink!
- Okay, the beans have been spilled about Avery and Logan being from the same small town.
- Oh my, Carla and K.Cheno’s husband are hooking up in a closet!
- The secret of Avery and Logan dating is officially out.
- Ooh, I like Avery’s super mod kettle.
- And just like that, Avery and Logan are back together!
- As far as LiLo Christmas movies on Netflix go, this one was pretty decent.
