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While the evidence that garters were being tossed on the dance floor in medieval times is lacking, there is a grain of truth to the idea that a bride’s virginity (and subsequent deflowering) has been an important part of a wedding’s framework since the beginning of weddings.
Historically, couples were expected to consummate their marriage immediately. This act held not just personal significance but political weight. Sex between newlyweds, especially those of noble blood, served as a way to prove the bride’s virginity (very important), cement alliances, and ensure the marriage could not be annulled or challenged, since consummation was seen as the final step in making a marriage legally binding.
Is the garter toss outdated today?
Both the garter toss and bouquet toss do contain some rather dated assumptions. Beyond their rigid approach to gender, they can end up feeling like a sort of battle royale for single guests, with marriage treated as the ultimate prize. “I think the whole concept is pretty outdated on every level, including the implication that your guests are desperate to get married,” says Chrisman-Campbell. “Our society no longer places the same amount of value on marriage as the most significant accomplishment this life has to offer.”
However, as with all wedding decisions, the choice is totally personal. For anyone who loves all the classic wedding rituals, the garter toss can be a fun spectacle. For those who might feel a bit shy about having their new spouse dive under their dress in front of all their relatives, rest assured that the garter toss is definitely not essential. In fact, there are many, many cultures that do not incorporate a garter toss at all; It is mostly popular in the United States.
“Having largely lost their practical function, it’s the romanticized idea of a traditional garter toss that keeps sales alive,” says Lennon. “But the more you explore the realities of marriage for women in the past and question the expectations we have inherited, the less desirable that tradition for tradition’s sake becomes. In the oppression of women, tradition has often been the last defense of the indefensible.”
Garter-toss alternatives
For anyone who is not into the idea of a classic garter toss, rest assured there are alternatives. After all, if we have learned anything, it is that we must make our own traditions!
Wear your garter on your wedding night
Instead of putting your garter on public display for all your wedding guests to see, you can incorporate the garter as a private part of your wedding night lingerie. Take its burlesque origins and run with it!
A gender-inclusive bouquet toss
Instead of breaking up the bouquet/garter toss by gender—an antiquated notion by today’s standards anyway—bring all the single guests onto the dance floor together to participate in the bride’s bouquet toss. (I did mine to Charli XCX’s “Girl, So Confusing”.)
Toss anything else
Call all the kids onto the floor and toss a toy. Call animal lovers to the floor and toss a stuffed animal. Call forth anyone with a sweet tooth and toss candy. After all, wedding rituals are merely a template for you and your partner to express the things most dear to you and the life you are building together.
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